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After another stroke her speech is so slurred she decided she didn't want her phone so I had it cut off. Now she calls me from a hallway phone every day with wild imaginings, like when she can walk (been in a wheelchair for 9 months, can't sit up or stand alone and will never walk again) she's going to buy a big fancy house and furniture and find someone to live with her, care for her 24/7 and do all the work. Her shenanigans over the years have aged me terribly and my hair is falling out. Do I have it out with her, a lifetime abuser? What's the point, she's had dementia for years, an A1 narcissist and everything is about her. I'm going to have her phone put back on so she can drive others batty (she has no real friends) and change my number. I must act as she continues to plunge me into deep depression and I need to rebuild the life she destroyed.
You can't have these people live with you. I just can't see it. I get told that all of the time from well meaning peope, "when are you going to let your mother move it?" and I realize that the people saying it have sweet mothers or slightly difficult mothers, not terrorists. I was at my mom's trying to arrange a driving service for her and she got really mean with the service, then she started hitting me. It's just too crazy. I'm 50, no one hits me ever just psycho woman. Like a rabid animal. The lady from the service was VERY worried about having this crazy woman dumped on her lap. You can't have abusive people living with you. What if your spouse did this? Would you stay? Would society expect you to stay and take the abuse? Certainly not. Get out of there. Whatever it costs just go.
Met with the NH admin today and we've decided on fibs. If my mother tries to call she'll get "no longer in service" and staff will tell her my phone is out of order. That buys me a peaceful weekend. Next time I visit (bearing the usual chocolates, cookies, apple juice and bottled water) and she asks about it I'm going to say I rarely use it so I'm not going to bother and will just use my cell phone but there's no point in her having the number because I only turn it on when I want to call someone.
Of course I'll still visit, get her shopping and keep her affairs in order - she just can't get at me any more. Yay!!
Once I googled the phrase "Leave me alone", as I felt that cry in my heart. It led me articles on dysfunctional, narcissistic, manipulative parents and that that is a common need amongst their children. A light bulb went on in my head.
I haven't been able to sort stuff much the last few months so piles have accumulated. Some years ago I read of children under stress doing not well in school because stress changes brain chemicals. I know that has been happening to me and it affects how I function. Sorting is not something that comes easily to me anyway. Started doing a bit more today. Must be recovering a bit. (((((((hugs)))))) to all do good things for yourself.
We have deer, wild turkey, bunnies and frogs/toads in the pond. Come good weather I sit on the deck in the evening and drink in nature and peace until the light fades. Nature feeds my soul and will help me heal.
It's almost 5 p.m. and I'm about to feed my critturs and me. The phone just rang and I let the machine pick it up but there was no message left - likely someone selling something. The NH takes wonderful care of her but they call me for any little thing (policy), sometimes multiple times, which makes me crazy.
Going forward my phone comes off the hook at 5 p.m. and stays off until I get up in the morning. I'm no doctor, and if she falls, injures herself and is carted off to hospital I'll deal with that tomorrow.
lynne - visiting is a nightmare for me too. I talked to the social worker and the meds have not made any difference so far, so I doubt I will see her. It is too hard. Once the ALF called in the middle of the night when mother went to hospital. As usual there was nothing wrong with her. I told them to call me in the morning after that because there was nothing I could do till then, anyway. Hope your storm isn't too bad. I was born in Ontario and in your are there could be some bad ones.
HI Lynne, I hope your phone boundaries work out well. I suspect I will be in for the same challenge at some point in the future. Aren't nursing homes to some degree supposed to be able to handle things without calling someone all the time?
I was curious if you live in CA as I have the same across the
street? All this beauty, wildlife and fresh air helps!