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Also, I am a dog lover and rescuer. My dogs are my children and I love them dearly. Having said that...if she can spend $4000 on her dog and $500 on lotto tickets, she can afford to hire some help and/or pay YOU a good salary for your energy and time. If she doesn't, it is because she doesn't want to. And if she doesn't care enough about your wellbeing to either compensate you a reasonable amount for your services OR give you a break by hiring others, then you might consider taking a stand for yourself....otherwise, no one will. Hang in there and please keep in touch with us.
Believe me, I understand when they won't listen - it is sooo frustrating. I do hope and outside agency can help you - your job is not to take care of your mother. It is a responsibility to help her and coordinate her care - tell her that is a job in itself, but you really can't leave yourself financially vulnerable.
These are difficult decisions and discussions to have; but they are necessary. I have been the only one to take care of my father, mother and mother-in-law and this went on for close to 10 years and I have financially lost out as well. My father and MIL have passed - my MIL just 6 months ago and she was living with us. I have a chronic pain problem that has become worse due to all the stress involved in caretaking and long distance driving which I still do to take care of my mother's needs at the nursing home. Of course, a nursing home is much easier; I have done the in-home care as well and had to do all this care or they would have been lost. I would never have abandoned any of them, but it does come with some substantial ramifications that unfortunately are financial.
Good luck talking to some professionals, I feel certain they can help you. Blessings to you and take care.
She also might be using the computer as an escape mechanism...while she is engaged with the computer, she doesn't have to think about how her life is out of control. But very sad that she doesn't let the dogs out, etc. You might try giving her the computer on a limited basis and encourage her to interact in conversation some of the time as well. Good luck
Next ,you want to contact your local Dept. on Aging. They have access agencies set up regionally that have Sr. Care Managers that will come out to the home and access your Mother's condition, physically, cognitivley and emotionally. They will also access the home environment for safety. They will make a recommendation for services, and this can be everything from skilled nursing assistance to help with the medication compliance to homemaking or PCA (Personal Care Aide) services.
If conditions don't improve and your Mom refuses help, it is possible they may feel that your Mom in endangering herself,. At that point they may even contact The States Dept. Protective Services to step in and they will make sure that your Mom
is receiving the proper assistance to remain safe in her own home environment.
Please do not feel guilty about reaching out to the professionals. You are looking out for your Mothers best interest, whether she realizes it or not.
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Taking too many pain pills and not taking the PD pills sounds like a problem. This is something to talk to your local resources about, and also to discuss with her doctor -- how to help Mom manage her medications successfully. It may be that a weekly visiting nurse to set up the meds and discuss them with her would be a help. Her doctor should definitely know about the lack of compliance. And don't worry if she calls you a liar. Doctors are used to this.
I see the addiction to the comptuer games as somewhat less of a problem than the drugs. At least she is not sitting staring at a blank wall, and games are at least interactive so she isn't passive all day. But naturally she does need to take bathroom and eating breaks. If you can find some way to enforce that, that would be positive.
A nurse was here last month doing an evaluation for PCA services for my husband. She remarked that when she goes into a home and sees a bell to call for services near the patient's chair she is always afraid the person is getting waited on too much. If at all possible, they should be walking or wheeling themselves into the kitchen to get their own glass of water. Waiting on them constantly is a disservice because it encourages further decline. So ... I hope you can get your mother to at least get up from the computer and wait on herself for meals, to the extent that she can.
I recently read the statistic that at least 40% of PD patients develop dementia. Do you think that could be going on with your mother?
My heart goes out to you, opaltt. Try not to give up caring for yourself while you tackle this challenging situation with your mother.
She could walk so much better with the walker - it improved her balance 100% and she could stand up straight, which eased her back discomfort and pain. The ends they will go to for appearances sake is beyond me; especially when she was 89 years old. Vanity be thy name - but it might come back to haunt you - in the form of injuries that are unecessary.
Does your mom have dementia? That could cause the mood swings. Don't know how you can get her away from the computer - I realize she is overdoing it, but at least she has an interest in something and it keeps her busy.
Have you ever been in touch with Elder Services in your town? If not, give them a call and they can put you in touch with people there that have many great suggestions that some of us would never think of.
Do hope you can find solutions; it is exhausting. These outside resources can truly be so helpful. Take care.