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It is strange how much it means on the rare occasion when one of my cousins called and just asked if she could bring me lunch. Another time a friend brought us a bowl of freshly made chicken salad...Little things that mean an awful lot...for the most part that kind of support has not been here for me...but I have no problem as far as the topic at hand in dating someone who is or was a caregiver...I am just at a point in life where, more than anything, having no one else who "needs something from me" is what I need most.
Looking back through the years, I think being in relationships has been my downfall...or at least because of the men I chose it was my downfall. Too demanding, too controlling, and being one of those people who has that desire to save the planet I always seemed to attract the ones who were broken....oh I was good at fixing them...got them all nice and happy and then they were ready to partay....nope, not going there again. I prefer to devote whatever is left of my life to doing what I am doing now, and then, if I have more time, in devoting that time to helping others and serving the Lord....which I also believe we are doing when we are caring for our loved ones.....
I am not one of those "haters" as I have seen wonderful relationships between folks who seemed meant to be....I just never found that and honestly just don't want to look. It may happen, but if it did, I know I would know it and it would be someone whom God wanted me to be with...other than that....nope.
despite her primitave surroundings the zebra b**ch is a certified tig welder.
one evening , before i even realized my mother had dementia she told me she knew what i was up to . i was getting my friends to ride motorcycles round and round the house at night in order to drive her insane and get all her money. talk about perplexed. i told her i didnt have friends and if i did theyd have better things to do than to screw with her head. after she went to her bedroom i knocked on the door and reminded her to be careful about false accusations. she said " i just love you so much " . had my head spinning but keep in mind, i knew nothing about dementia at this time. i just thought we were both nuts.
But I would date another caregiver while I was care giving. It would be nice to have someone who understood where I was coming from...
For what it's worth, I'd have zero problem dating a caregiver. The companionship alone would be worth it, h**l, I'm worth dating but.... I feel "in my head" that I have too many problems going on that I'm actually not worth it. Make sense? If it does, it shouldn't because it's just not true. Besides actually having someone to talk, laugh and smile with about the day to day crazies, can you imagine 2 elderly peeps with the same mentality watching Golden Girls together?? As long as the house is AD proofed it would probably be a hoot. I know my mom gets tired of my company and would LOVE male companionship plus I wouldn't have to constantly hear "OK...what can I help with"!! She'd have her company, I'd have mine... win win!! Another plus.. we could save on parent sitter fee's !
Maybe I'm wishful thinking today.... she woke up in another world this morning, a world filled with people wanting to kill her or me leaving her all alone to die so we can just "Get the money". WHAT MONEY?? ...her arms have been crossed for hours with a sourpuss face to go along with all the accusations. Oh joy!.... now she's demanding lunch and I'm starving her... only a caregiver could smile about these kind of days!
i dont care, im hung up on shirley manson of garbage fame anyway . the kaiser bill hairstyle finalized the obsession.
If they can have "GlutenFree" dating sites, "ClownFree" dating sites...they sure as hell can have a "caregivers' website!! LOL Just saw this on the Ellen Degeneres show.....hmm, maybe I should send her an email!!
Have a wonderful peaceful day everyone!
Life doesn't have to be a 24/7 challenge. Caretakers are special people, we take everything so seriously (least I do) it is hard for us to have fun, relax and simply enjoy life like others seem to be able to. I think denying ourselves of "natural instinct" feelings kind of makes us a bit more bitter in life. I do not want to end up bitter and unhappy, neither do I think my mom would want me to. Heck, she still want's to be playful and have fun. It is in our nature. I took mom to see her only brother whom is a few years older than she is. Of course she did not remember who he was and could not understand how HE knew about HER mother....LOL, but it did not stop her from being flirty and fun with him.
Trust me, I know things are going to get much worse in life....for mom, and for me. I am going to do my best to not let this kill me nor my spirit. I just can't...I'm too young (49) ...normalcy is over-rated and probably zero fun. We have enough hardship in life to add any more to it.
There are many people out there who are kind loving and understanding. It is up to US to make what we are doing for our parent's as best as possible. yea yea, I know I say this now and might come back here another day crying about how bad my life is, but you know what?.....it could be worse. Damned if I am gonna dwell in misery and shit for another 5 years. I love my mother more than that and love myself just as much.
Caretakers are awesome people!
My mom is now in a facility, but I'm still exhausted. I'm getting better, but normalcy isn't going to happen overnight. I need time to myself just to find ME again, forget trying to get to know anyone else at this point. Eventually, yes, I would love to have a new man in my life, even get married again someday. But if I do find someone, and find out they're a full time caregiver, game over. I'm running for the hills. I can't see an idea like this working at all, all things considered. :/
I always feel I have more problems in life and I would just be a burden and look needy trying to date someone. My mother isn't that bad just yet....but she cannot be left alone, ever! Neither does she ever want to go anywhere...
sigh
must be the rain...