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My mother is not a sweet old lady but she is still my mother. Mum doesn't tell funny stories, she criticises constantly and while she showtimes for the doctor she can't maintain it and a longer spell in hospital showed she had a dependency personality disorder that is absolutely draining.
I don't find is impacting her bowel manually myself (because the people who should do it WONT come out if it is a weekend) something I ever thought I could do or would want to do.
I don't find creaming her genital area because it gets sore because she is incontinent something I want to do. I particularly hate it when she asks me to cream her because 'it feels nice' because I find it distressing.
Would I stop doing this? Not at the moment ....but I recognise that there is a time when I will. If you are caring for grandpa then you are much younger than I probably but I never anticipated that my retirement would be spent doing this.
Hell? Don't believe in it .....but for me (and I will only speak for me) it is a nightmare that is now a reality and whilst I could never say I enjoy it - I will continue to do it....for her.... and believe me - she probably doesn't deserve it (deserve is the wrong word but I can't find the right one) perhaps as much as your grandpa does, given my childhood issues and the fact that she didn't do any care for her mother, her father or her husband but expects me to do the care for her.
So try not to be quite so harsh - caregiving is so very different for all of us. On the plus side I am so pleased for you and more especially for him that you are able to do this and if times do get rough for you then we will be here. xxx
I think when someone needs 24/7 care and you're the only one to do it, it's a living hell no matter how much you love the person. I've been in that situation in the past, and that was my experience anyway. So I can't argue with the OP even though that's not my situation now.
Weekendsoff is obviously having a different experience than many of us. He or she tells a tale much like ours but I guess it isn't whining when you say it isn't.
I have been taking care of my mother for over 20 years now and it gets more difficult as the years pass. I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't love her but if, from time to time, I need to vent my frustration and hope for a pat on the back from SOMEONE, it would be nice to know that there is a place for that and that I won't be judged too harshly by someone who has not walked in my shoes one step, let alone a mile.
If we all rally and get the word out thru agingcare here that I am trying to do this charity and alz assn is not available to help me___just maybe, maybe, those who can will book some space or at least put some money down for the sistahood.....So here goes I am winging it didn't want to have to do this but I don't want to lose all my hard work tomorrow at 11am pst.... so here goes, call royal Caribbean group sales....ask for the "HUMMINGBIRD HOUSE" GROUP sailing, western Caribbean, dec 20th.....Chose a cabin inside (no window) or outside (window) and up to 4 passengers per cabin...don't even know cost yeat cause they are being so difficult the cruise line that is, omg a whole nother story but I am still standing, and or apply payment and you have done your part and we could actually all be pampered this Christmas... k now I am done please let me wake up to a full ship!! it is our only hope! Or the media!!!
Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball to be able to see into the future to see exactly when all this will end - and how. All I can do is prep now for future events that are inevitable - like Mom's passing, or if the unthinkable happens - mine, before her. Every good day she has now seems to be followed by a week of "not so great".
Deb
Just recently I was diagnosed with a large kidney stone which will need surgery.... believe it or not, I was happy with the diagnoses....whew, now my parents will need to fend for themselves at their own home until I recover, and at my age, it will take some time ;)
We have on-line grocery service, so now my parents will have to pay the delivery fee to have said groceries delivered to their house instead of me going to the store for pick-up or my sig other, my parents won't like paying that fee [which they can easily afford], but what choice do they have. Maybe this will be a wake-up call for them.... or maybe not.... [sigh]
A look we could all use. But stick to black - sometimes my dark circles have a purple cast. I love the color purple - just not around my eyes. Hang in there!
My parents had 25 years of a great retirement doing everything they wanted. I am pushing 70 and haven't seen one day of retirement and probably won't for quite a while as my parents are healthy for their age. Plus my parents never physically cared for their own parents, so they have no idea what they are putting me through.... [sigh].
You have got to have few hours for your self and/or a weekend to regain your sanity. I know the feeling of exhaustion, resentment, depression and guilt. I wish you the best - please find a way to take a few hours for yourself. It will help a little.
I am the only daughter to my widowed 88 year old mother, who has had many health issues over the last 5 years.
My husband and I used to just mow and clean, do some maintenance, and assist her with her trip to her summer home (a working vacation).
But when our son moved out 5 years ago, we moved in because she needed more help.
2 years ago she had double bypass and I left my good salaried job to take care of her 24/7.
She got a little better so I was able to work part time, do local volunteer work, and still take care of her and the house. The only complaint I had then was lack of privacy and missing a home of my own.
But now she is failing and had lymphoma. I am home most all of the time now except for a few cleaning jobs to make money. She demands all of my attention. If I need personal space or time with my husband, she says I've abandoned her.
I try to make palatable meals but she won't eat unless I sit with her. I can't do things fast enough.Everything sounds like an order. I can't plan anything, especially in tbe morning , because whenever she feels like getting up I must be there to get her breakfast, give her meds, bathe and dress her...etc.
I feel like my life is slipping away. My friends visit and text me but I can rarely get out with them.
My husband says I should just ignore mom, that she is using me. I can't do that but it makes me resentful sometimes.
Mom is so tight with her money that I cannot hire someone to come in and give me a break.
I'm exhausted much of the time, and getting depressed. I drink too much wine at times too.
I love to wake early and have coffee in peace. But as soon as I hear her door squeak open I feel my nerves jump!
I love my mom, but I feel like she doesn't love me so much, just needs me. Never once do my needs come into the picture.
Is it wrong to desire a life for mysrlf and my husband?
at the emergency room so - I was able to get my 3 day weekend. I guess it was worth it. Lots of drama on my return.