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How about "undercarriage" for the girls and "Penny stick" for the boys. I will explain that spending a penny in the UK means going to pee from the days when public toilets had a meter on the door and you had to put the penny in a slot to open the door.
Self (retrieving old pink rabbit from laundry load): oh no, look, her stuffing's coming out...
Daughter (grabbing rabbit in horror): No! Don't look at her lady parts!
Self: I wasn't, I was - "lady parts"? Lady parts?! Is that what they taught you in that six-month genitourinary rotation?
I'm taking the afternoon off and going to get some exercise. I know it will make me feel better.
Feeling like a dirty doormat who is going to die before she does. I think she is making me sick.
After reading some of the other posts by Scared the movie that sprang to my mind was Monty Python and the Holy Grail... "Run away, run away...."
I loved Waterworld. I liked most Kevin Costner movies, though they ran a bit long to enjoy them a second time through.
That evening all hell broke loose. Hubby was sitting in the bathroom with the window cracked ready for battle when a car rolled up and what we assumed were police in plain clothes - friends of the neighbor got out. I was sitting in our living room ritualistically knitting when one of them came to the door. I slowly went to the door still holding my knitting and the man asked if "E" the neighbor lived here. I politely told him where the neighbors house was and closed the door.
Next morning all was quiet and E took my kids to schools as usual with his and no more was said.
When they moved a short time later some vegetables were stolen from my garden including several cabbages. so I wrapped up a few remaining leaves and mailed them to him with a typewritten note that just said "with compliments". E had a well known position in the small town and hubby was one of the two local Drs. Is that bratish enough?
In other news, I am mildly and disturbingly aware of an entity referred to as a "sh** mummy." Apparently in deranged circles, there are human life forms that have fun with feces and then roll themselves in tp. I s%i*& thee not. So there is an example of what to do with old sheets.
How much are new sheets these days anyway? I am FOR fresh sheets, your way!"
Going forward I plan to line the bathroom floor with pheromone treated puppy piddle pads in an effort to attract my dad's urge to mark his territory ad lib.
I may have to pee on the pad first in order signal my dad that this is the right place to eliminate. Or at least in the general vicinity. I have seen cats can learn to eliminate in the loo, why not him? Then we can convince my mom that putting a towel at the base of all toilets in the house is reinforcing his perception that pissing in the toilet is irrelevant and "somewhere in the vicinity" is actually a biohazard
Oddly enough, he shows up and knocks while walking in with - the water softner guy, IT dude, HVAC or just for poops and grins to enjoy the back yard I work my @ss off in since I can't work in the front because my mom calls me a control freak (then complains that no one helps her)....so this seems to coincide when I am nekkid and walking out of the bathroom not once since I have lived here in the basement of all things colorless and devoid of joy, but over 20 times.
He screams he wont look then proceeds to sit down at the computer between the bathroom and my couch and clothes. He curses while he is on the computer. Refuses to leave the room and use one of the other 40 computers UPSTAIRS in his domain. He then proceeds to call my sister who encourages him to rant and rave about what a b^t&h I am because I "don't want him in the basement and I am a control freak". She tells him to TAKE CONTROL OR IT WILL BE TAKEN FROM YOU. She has borderline personality disorder and always vying to get daddys love.
This same man will piss with the hall door open - go into the kitchen without washing his hands - make a sammich and touch light switches and so forth after touching his own junk in the bathroom. And we wonder why mom ends up with dysentery : Dysentery is an inflammation of the intestine causing diarrhea with blood. Other symptoms may include fever, abdominal pain, and rectal tenesmus (a feeling of incomplete defecation). It is caused by a number of types of infection such as bacteria, viruses, parasitic worms, or protozoa, and is a type of gastroenteritis.
I am rocking back and forth in the closet on my haunches in an effort to self soothe as well as getting dressed. Dear Lord please grant me the serenity to - get dressed and not go bald from stress.
I clearly don't have the energy to make two beds but now short sheeting a bed is something in which I excel
So I watched phelps win gold and then went to my moms memory care facility and was greeted by her coming out of the public loo saying they're gonna kill her - hmmm
So we had treats and milk and I said it was shower time - she said you're crazy I shower in the morning - nonetheless we got it done in only 30 minutes
Since no one at the facility will even attempt to bathe her I helped myself to a half dozen towels from the linen closet and xtra washcloths
Tomorrow we change the sheets and cut her fingernails - oh joy
standing and ironing 7; standing and staring 4...
How much are new sheets these days anyway? I am FOR fresh sheets, your way!
Or, maybe you dropped some money?
Oh, to worry, to worry now. Lol.