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Second, there are rehab centers and such that do extensive cognitive testing which may show if your mother's thinkging and reasoning abilities have declined and will give you a baseline for her docs to compare with, going forward. A good geriatric psychiatrist may be able to point you to such a center. When my mom's reasoning abilities began to fail last year, it led to panic attacks (she couldn't figure out if she needed more pills, etc), I had her tested, while my brother's and my mom's doc kept saying there was nothing wrong with her. Turns out she'd had a small stroke and had lost quite a bit of what is called executive functioning (seeing the big picture cognitively, what to do when, what to do if this or that happenes, how to set priorities. SO glad we did this, I was beginning to think I was the one who was losing it, but I knew what I was seeing. Best, B
Thank you for the kinds words.
My Mother is the sweetest woman ever, but I get very frustrated too at times, which makes me feel guilty later. My brother lives 200 miles away, so I'm the only one she can depend on. I've decided early on to give her my time and attention--she did this for me when I was a child. I hope you can find a support group--it would probably help. Try to take care of yourself first.
I know it can all feel overwhelming and even irrational. But it is what it is.
On the other side of the coin, as long as you know that she is in a safe place, being taken care of, you can not take on her feelings as your own. I recommend that you find someone in your town that can direct you to a support group as you suggested, or to a professional counselor. If you have a family of faith and you trust someone there, utilize them also.
You can only be responsible for what is happening today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here. You have to take care of YOU. IF you do not, no one else will. If you have an immediate family, you will not be there for them or anyone else, if you do not take care of yourself. I know this all looks or sounds good on paper, but it is much more difficult in reality. It is also very reasonable to let her "settle" in to her new surroundings. And perhaps not visit for a while. Talk with the caregivers there, and explain, you are not forsaking her, but that you need a time out, to take care of yourself. If they are a respectable institution, they will understand.
Life certainly sends us curves we could never anticipate or plan. But remember that there is Someone who created us, that is still in control. He has our best interest at heart and will never forsake us. If that is also your belief, then look at the promises in His book to us, as a comfort.Let us know how you are doing from time to time. Sometimes getting it out on "paper" is a way for people to "vent".
Then when you read it over, you are able to put it more in perspective.
Blessings
I will soldier on and do the best I can. Mom is very appreciative of all I do. I'm lucky in that. I see a lot of people on here that are worse off than I.
Thank you for writing. I sure like this forum. Great way to vent.
I too had all of the conflicting emotions that you have. I had love, yet guilt, love, yet resentment, love yet frustration, love yet irritation, etc...etc..And when they all collide with each other every day it can be emotionally and physically breaking you down; as it did to me. My Mom too puts a load of stuff on me too and she's in hospice, but she doesn't mean to; I mean, she doesn't do it on purpose, yet I feel that same load that you feel. I too suffer from depression and anxiety so I know how you feel.
Do you have siblings or other relatives that can help you out with Mom and visit her and help take the load off of you?
Maybe you must step back for a while and get the respite and healing you desperately need. Mom is well taken care of at that AL place even though she may complain a lot. When she say's that you're her "Mommy" now, please try to be patient with her. She's not purposely trying to get you irritated or angry. She's probably very lonely, as my Mom is very lonely in hospice even though she's made loving friends with all the staff. You're all she has and her mind/life has shrunk to a little world of her very own. I don't think she will suffer if you step back for a while, while you take the time to mentally and physically heal. You sound like you're suffering more than Mom--and in truth, I think that you are, since that AL facility is doing a good job in caring for Mom. Pray for healing for you from God and the strength to carry on. Now, He is the only one who can help you, He is the only one who can get you through this, He is the only one who can make you see things from His perspective. And I promise He will answer and help you if you pray with all humility and guidance!! God Bless you Deblove.