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If your mom is staying w/ you for last 3yrs, perhaps there is no estate left of her own??? If so, she can qualify for medicaid and community long term care. If she is able to come home, CLTC will send an aide in to help with her ADL's 2hrs/day 5 days a week - she can also qualify for companion care for an additional 2hrs/day. If you need more coverage, with a dementia/alzheimers diagnosis, she can qualify for hospice respite help. They will give you a $500 voucher to use as you need to pay for someone to come in privately. They can only do it once/yr for each patient though. Between all these resources, perhaps it will buy you enough time to take a breath and find some other resources. You may want to advertise in your local paper for a private duty CNA. With the economy the way it is, there are people looking to supplement their incomes and most CNA's are only part time and get paid very little. I started my own Help at Home business. I am a CNA and a licensed hairdresser. I am 'paying it forward' as I was in the same predicament with my mom after my day passed and she lives out of state. I do respite sitting - that's only sitting as a companion - for $5/hr. If you could get the CLTC and Companion care set up for morning hours, perhaps even a church friend or neighbor would be able to fill in a few hrs in the afternoon until you can get home from work. There is such a stigma attached to social services and medicaid but for my mother, they have been a Godsend!
When my FIL was hospitalized and quickly declined from fully cognizant to pretty severe dementia, we were continually having to remind the staff that "he didn't come in like this." They were so focused on 'fixing' his ailments. We were constantly informing doctors he wouldn't want them fixed if he was going remain in a severely compromised mental state. They shrugged it off and scheduled the next test or procedure. They tormented him like that for a couple of months and then discharged him to hospice.