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My Mom is back in the hospital, her "local family" = PoA (caregiver&fantasy lover jointly - mother and son) and handyman (the other son) all gathered around her. I am enemy #1 today, best daughter yesterday and tomorrow. In between they bend her ear as to what is NOT in my family's best interest.
Yesterday my mother's sister went to visit her in the hospital and had "words" with the caregiver (granted she has been a housekeeper/friend/caregiver and in the family for 16 years) about not notifying any of us that Mom was taken to emergency. And the "words" mounted and mounted and things got ugly. Later the son/handyman called me and said he would "have his mother execute her PoA so that members of our family couldn't be around my mother and possibly insult his mother's integrity.
Obviously, this is nuts. Further, my mother's atty said it wasn't possible and I should contact another atty to seek guardianship. My own mother's atty!.
I'm done, however, as the money/possessions are no longer important. My mother is happy in her world of these people and I've done what I can. I just need to decide if I can bear to hear that phone ring (with my mom's own ringtone) not knowing whether I'm going to be belittled, or welcomed as her daughter.
She has asked me to leave her alone with regard to all legal matters (obviously) and continues to refuse a discussion of "what if" - as her health IS bad. I would know nothing of what to do - and again, at this point, it is what it is.
I loved whoever it was that said that about the front window being so much bigger than the rearview mirror. I hope so - tho' I'll never be able to stop looking back.
I lost my son 9 years ago, and you wouldn't believe how she was, she divided the family during my sons services. I have been dealing with her because noone else would, let them all take care of her and good fricken luck. I too dont' want to attend the service when she goes, because I don't trust myself, See the things she has says people believe which is one of the biggest issues I have. I want to set the record straight, somehow, She has smeared my name, and they funny thing is, I am the only one out of her kids, that graduated high school, went to college, raised all my kids, that all graduated, not to mention a couple foster kids, and at the present time and for the most part the only one of her kids that works.
I lost my son 9 years ago, and you wouldn't believe how she was, she divided the family during my sons services. I have been dealing with her because noone else would, let them all take care of her and good fricken luck. I too dont' want to attend the service when she goes, because I don't trust myself, See the things she has says people believe which is one of the biggest issues I have. I want to set the record straight, somehow, She has smeared my name, and they funny thing is, I am the only one out of her kids, that graduated high school, went to college, raised all my kids, that all graduated, not to mention a couple foster kids, and at the present time and for the most part the only one of her kids that works.
It is so ridiculous, we are not talking the Kennedy fortune here. Over the course of 16 years, 13,000 was withdrawn totally from her account to cover all of her miscellaneous expense, medical, and basic living expenses. So, please, to have anyone ever say we stole from her is ridiculous. She is not a wealthy woman. So we are definitely legally covered regarding the house and any allegations. But thanks for the heads up. We are being very cautious....but so should they now there is such a thing as defamation of character and slander.
You will update us if they do try to do worse, won't you? I always wonder when this happens - on what happened to the caregiver. Only one poster that I know of came back and told us the results of her family accusing her of stealing from their father and when he died, they had nothing but caregiver had the house, etc... She won in court. It was all done legally and there was no proof that she stole from him.
The "we/us" is because as my mom goes further into her combined health issues and dementia, she has suddenly turned me into the enemy. Whispers in the ear? Oh yes, from those who also stand to profit from her now and in the future.
Still, money aside, it's the emotional hurt and confusion that slaps at me each time I hear from her. One day I'm the loving daughter....the next....the enemy trying to do her in.
I wish you patience and perseverance.
Having said all of that I can imagine how hurt you must be. I know I would be. In time try to see who it is that hurt you and how worthy of your thoughts they are. Try not to nurture a resentment, I know that will be hard, but it will only hurt you. Go on with your life and don't let this poison you.
We sold my mom's house in June and are required to wait a penalty period of 11 months before we can apply for her Medicaid coverage.
Medicaid will want their money.
Lord, this scenario is repeated over and over and over.
I really think the lesson is, have everything in writing.
Also, betrayed, be VERY careful. You could come home someday and find her dumped on your front porch.
which is an interesting question.. if anyone ever has experienced that..