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at the time where a life of hard work and saving is coming to an end we now find ourselves looking after our parents who are in their 80’s and 90’s and some beyond that and killing ourselves and “our time” is gone. It is not meant to be this way
my opinion is if you have good health, are relatively fit and most importantly the money then that’s great. If not ist slow, cruel and horrific
i too believe that our body is just a machine that knows when it’s time to shut down and if we as a society keep getting in the way then the body will shut the brain down and still they are kept going. I believe in assisted dying because I do not want to live out my years to the bitter end in a bed as happened to my mother. Truly awful
It's like it's supposed to be our goal from birth onward to do things to enhance and better our existance.
Let's say me for instance just decided one day to stop eating properly, quit exercising, drink alcohol, etc, etc. All that would mean is a better chance of having a stroke, heart attack, cancer, you name it. Then, cause euthanasia and assisted suicide is not legal, what am I left with? I'll tell you what. A long stint in a hospital, then rehab, then a care home cause a D N R won't be acceptable till I am at death's door.
So I think I might as well keep living clean cause I'd rather live out my elderly years somewhat healthy so I can at least try to enjoy my final years cause they'll keep on coming up with new things to keep me alive whether I want it or not.
Then she was agitated and up all night. She’s leveled out for now, but for how long? She has basic needs met but other than that, nothing. It’s sad.
Drs. take an oath to do all they can to relieve suffering and give their patients the best care they can. The drug companies have made enormous strides in creating medicine that can greatly prolong someone's life. This is a double edged sword: Dr Joe sees it "helping" a great deal, but then he also sees some pretty gruesome and awful side effects. Most people are horrified of death---and so they will do nearly anything to keep it at bay.
His job is to give his patients their options with all possibilities and let them make the choices on what to do.
I can guarantee you HE is not making "bank" on these drugs. Many are amazing and true gifts. Many simply keep someone alive, and at great cost to their overall well being. It's their choice.
Thinking to day of my sweet granddad of whom mother STILL says "Oh, if only they could have treated HBP back then, we'd still have him" Well, he'd be 117 today and I doubt very happy about that...but I get her point. Something so simple to treat these days was a virtual death sentence then. He died at 64.
My own hubby had HepC. Harvoni cured him. But not before he'd developed primary liver cancer at age 54 and had to have a liver transplant--then 84 weeks of the most brutal chemotherapy. He "survived" but certainly paid a cost. Severe depression has now been his constant companion.
Group #1: Children of narcissistic parents.
Group #2: Siblings who gladly give the ageing parent to the “Scapegoat “.
As for picking an arbitrary age - I guess that depends on your family history, the people in my family tend to live reasonably well into their 80's, my mom was independent past 90. When my father died at age 75 I accepted it because I was only in my thirties, things look a little different to me now.
We’ve come a long way since then with the focus on preventative medicine & new pharmacology.
My mother’s mother, my grandmother, had CHF from what my mother told me about her symptoms- swelling in her legs, especially.
Am I bothered that we as a society decided to invest in treatment of those diseases my grandmother had (HTN, CHF) so that today a patient suffering from shortness of breath from CHF can take Lasix to rid the body of excess fluid? Not at all.
Am I bothered by seeing the great progress made in blood pressure medication, treatment of prostate cancer in men (where you can really gauge patient outcomes as non-fatal vs fatal cancer), treatment of diabetes, ...etc?
No, not at all.
What is bothersome is that because of this mindset, when faced with a terminal disease or illness ( cirrhosis, metastatic cancer...serious illnesses) - we don’t know how to just let nature take its course and allow a person to die. Death is part of living.
We need to find that that common ground in managing our elderly and allowing them to “let go” when any further testing or treatment is futile. We need to determine when too much treatment becomes more of a burden for the dying than the benefit of living a few days more, or months longer.
I cannot say I regret all the progress made in managing diseases our grandparents died from at early ages (50-60’s). But eventually nature will take its course.
Neither take any medications nor see any specialists. They are naturally healthy.
Mum has two fears, death is not one of them. She fears losing her mind to dementia. A very good friend was diagnosed with Alz back in the 1980s and the disease was devastating. Her second fear is losing control of her body, but her mind being intact. She has an Advance Directive and I am her decision maker when the time comes. Mum believes in Medically Assisted Death, which is legal here in Canada.
Interestingly Mum and Auntie Mary still have a great many childhood friends who are also in their 80's and for the most part healthy and active. Their eldest cousin died in November, of their many cousins she was the first to pass (except one who died in childhood) Their mother lived to 82 and died from chronic leukemia, their grandmother lived to be 92.
So I think some families are lucky genetically and will live to great years in good health. My ex husband's uncles on his Mum's side all died within one year of age 70. (69, 70, 71). Yet his Dad and Dad's brother are both well into the 80s now.
It is Dad's 90th birthday on the 22nd. He is very frail now, but manages his ADLs, including grocery shopping. He is still alert and mentally active (does puzzles, reads voraciously, watches and discusses the news), but tires very easily. His father died of lung cancer around age 70.