By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Had a feeling you couldn't do it, just like I couldn't get rid of my parents. I would like to think I could, and would like one day to see what it would feel like, but guess that will never happen.
Don't worry, you can always vent to us.
Love,
marylynne
You do it because you have a conscience and are a really good person. Love has nothing to do with it. There are all kinds of love and just because we don't feel that glorious feeling we still somewhere have love for them. Thats the kind of love Jesus talked about in the parable of the Good Samaratin. Pat yourself on your back. My kids where the same way. My oldest son used to say to me Mom I don't know why you keep helping your parents all they do is hurt you and he was only 12. Out of the mouths of kids and I know my surviving son doesn't always understand me or like me and thats okay I always tell him I'm entitled to my opinion you don't have to agree with it but he is always there when I need him. Well time for me to get ready for a small outing. I am going to a cat shelter that also has a bottle tree so we all take bottles, how cool is that? and arts and crafts which I paint so am interested to see someone elses work. Find a few little things that you like and do them. Its hard at first because you feel guilty but it gets easier the more you force yourself to do it kinda like saying no to someone who always wants you to do the work for them because they are just to damn lazy. Than I will come home and do some laundry and start cleaning. I haven't heard anything "yet" about the to do list but sure I will later. Oh well Lifes a bitch than you marry one haha or give birth to one that's what I told my sons. So when he starts about his fiance which by the way is a really good girl I tell him I told you haha everyone has their disagreements deal with it we are that way because we can be that way LOL. He just shakes his head and laughs. He used to tell his buddies when he brought them home when he was a teen ager don't pay any attention to my mother you never know whats coming out of her mouth. I tell it like it is could be German huh, probably more of the Irish from Dad I think. Oh well you take care and I'll stop in later. Hey everyone today is a good day to take that hot chocolate with the real cream into the bathroom, light a candle take some music in there and either sing to the top of your lungs or close your eyes and take a soaky bath. ttfn
For all of us in the same boat---sorry to let you down that one of us would get away----but, alas, our guilt is too strong to walk away and that's why we are called CARETAKERS, talk with you soon, love, connie
While you take a walk or go shopping. What I am trying to say is do something for you.
I love you and have a blessed day. I will pray for you.
Donna, Oh, my god, what happens to them when they get old. My mom does the laundry the same way now too. She puts everything in together. She didn't teach me to do it that way and my mom wants to outlive me too. SOOOOOO selfish.
I had to laugh at the pain patch thing. My mom had one put on her at the doctor's office and when we walked into the parking lot she almost passed out. I had to take it off of her in the car. Once she had a tetnus shot and swore she couldn't breathe on the way home. What good actresses we all have or either high anxiety mother's.
You want to laugh, my mom and dad had a fight today and my dad told my mom that he took her out of a home for incurables when she was young. My mom exploded. She had a nervous breakdown years ago and my dad won't let her forget that she is nuts.
Love all of you,
Marylynne
Donna
Anyhoo... my resource list is here: http://feedinmama.com/ResourcePage.html it gets updated frequently so check back often.
Blessings,
Betsy
I want to start off by saying guilt is not love and love is not guilt. I hope we all can work together to build a support and resource group.
Rules and boundaries are need for every household.
Everyone can help. First thing is to find and exchange resources and lets start with
help (adult daycare etc) please send your resource list in.
My mother has constant pain----gets meds from the doctor----then won't take them because of the same thing "loses her edge"--when she takes them she's actually pain free and doesn't recognize it--thinks she's out of control. Dr. gave her pain patches---so, according to directions, I put one on her upper arm---withing 3 hours she was halcuinating, eyes rolling and all----so, I pulled the patch off----held her for 2 hours and she was ok. After talking to the doctor he said he had never heard of such a reaction----so----is she a great actress or what?
More of her control !!!!
Right now she's still not talking to me because of dinner last night!!!! and here I am stressed out at 6 am because of all this---no rest for us is there?
But I am blessed that she isn't in diapers, can feed herself, and can clean herself--but on the other hand, she has a memory that doesn't stop---can't let anything go drives me crazy with her interference with my kids (who are great kids--but because they don't call everyday--they're up to something according to her) I refuse to have the kids call everyday to report in!
I promise them that I WILL NEVER BE THIS WAY WHEN I GET OLDER!!!!
Connie
I had the same experience with my alcoholic father. After he died I realized what he had been covering up all those years. I knew from an early age that my mom was nuts, but she made it sound like her problems were because my dad drank. When he died we all breathed a sigh of relief because we thought the family situation was going to improve. But then Mother blossomed into a full blown crazy.
I think Dad covered it up because he was embarassed to admit he had married a nut. I sometimes wonder what sort of a man he would have been if he hadn't had to cope with her. They both really needed mental health help and meds a long time ago but it wasn't available. Mother's had meds in recent years and gets much better but then stops taking them because she "looses her edge". I think she doesn't recognize herself on meds and it scares her.
What a mess. How many lives can one woman ruin?
thank you for letting me rant my sisters in crisis
Connie
it sounds as if this old woman syndrome is affecting all of us. i believe i am getting it too. My mother is all about shopping. wants me to take her here, take her there to spend money unnecessarily. if i dare go out without her, there is hell to pay when i come home. the sad thing is this: there is no physical problem with her, just that she is nearly 91 yrs old and mean as hell. every time my significant other and my self go somewhere, and we are never gone longer than 3 hours, my stomach tightens up, and i feel like throwing up, because i know i have to come home and listen to her gripe and piss and moan about me being gone.I, like marylynne, absolutely wish her ill will every single day of my life. if it is not bad enough to put up with her, my son who also lives with us, is an alcoholic, and is driving me nuts too. I dont know why i deserve this crap, i guess it is my hell on earth for all the bad things i have done in my lifetime. I have wished her dead for a long time, but now i just wish for relief, even if it is my death, anything to get away from the old witch. ok, thru complaining. just the same stuff over and over and over. luv to all of u,
Donna
I am just so frustrated, nasty things come out of my mouth constantly. I rather have her sick, because she is easier to deal with. When she is feeling great, she is a real pain in the ass.
I feel for you honey,
Love,
Marylynne
What a wonderful post. Did you know you made the front of the newsletter with a quote?
I read this blog frequently although I haven't posted for many weeks. You all give me great strength in caring for my 90 year old narcissictic mother. All my family has abandonned me as she is so toxic.
I constantly set boundaries that she tries to cross. Right now we are going through a crying phase because she thinks I said something mean to her. She wants to bore into my private life and use bits and items of it for gossip. I know she is not sincere about me and my life so I try to keep her away from anything personal. She says she "lives through me" which scares the hell out of me. It makes me think of a parasite sucking away at my innards.
Here is what she is crying about now. I was a few minutes late calling her the other night and she wanted to know what I was doing to make me late. I told her I was talking to a friend. She started interrogating me. "Is this someone you've known a long time?" I repeated that I was talking to a friend. She persisted and I finally said "Why do you want to know that?" Well that was just too mean. She had to hang up because I was "abusing" her.
Ever since then when I call her, it's been recriminations about how I was mean to her and she gets teary. It's a lot of drama and I suppose it entertains her. I would like to tell her that I am willing to give her my loyalty and assistance but not my soul and my health. I don't want to discuss my personal life with her. But that would probably cause additional hurt feelings so I just keep telling myself these are my limits.
Soon we will be doing some visiting with my little granddaughters as we have birthdays before Christmas that will be celebrated. Hopefully that will distract Mother from her hurt feelings and my "abusive" behavior. It's just so tiring to have to deal with the nuttiness.
Thanks again to all of you. I wonder how many silent readers like me visit this blog. You don't know how many of us you touch.