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I don't see any value in discussing this a year in advance. Closer to the time you can simply state the way it is going to be and make arrangements with the aide. You do not need your mother's permission to go to your daughter's wedding on your own terms.
Your mother is a very important person. So are your daughters. So are you. Mother's wants do not automatically always come ahead of every one else's wants and needs.
My grandma opted not to attend my daughter's wedding. She was in a wheelchair, almost blind and deaf and said she would be in the way. She wished my daughter well. I respected my grandma's decision.
Have a wonderful time at your daughters' weddings with all of your attention on them.
Just because someone is self-centered, we do not work around them to make them happy! That concept is seen here way too often, and why in the world does anyone think it's OK?! Yes, you get an argument, whining, tantrums-- whatever her MO is-- but too bad, so sad. These weddings are your daughter's special days.
Her aide is her arms and legs. Aide will have a nice outing and a free dinner. Aide can wheel her out of site of she acts up, and get prearranged plan that aide better prevent any disruption to your daughter's weddings.
Best wishes to respective Brides! You are MOB. Play it well, Dear One:) xo